Wisdom Teeth Removal Removes Wisdom

My son had to have his wisdom teeth removed when he was 17 and I had no idea when I took him that I would be laughing so hard on the way out. I really would like to have an injection or ingestion of whatever he had that day.

My husband had his wisdom teeth taken out when we were dating. My God what a terrible patient he was. Mean as a pissed off snake. He called me up several hours after I had taken him home and wanted to know where I “hid” his pain pills. Seems that the goof-ball head fell asleep with the gauze in his mouth and dreamed he was eating and started biting down or chewing in his sleep. I mean, who does that?

I was a good patient when I got my wisdom teeth taken out. I asked Dr. Wrobleski if I could watch the whole thing, so he swung over the big mirror and I watched everything they did. I am sure my Adam would be just like his mom. Inquisitive.

I was sitting in the waiting room at the oral surgeon’s office, reading a magazine when I heard someone laughing from behind the front desk. I looked up and could barely make out what they were saying, but the dentist’s assistant was laughing so hard that her mascara was running and making her look like a raccoon. I was intrigued because I knew my son was back there, and since I was the only one in the waiting room, I was even more intrigued upon that realization. Oh, Dear God, what is Adam saying to them back there?

He hadn’t been back there very long, when another assistant came out in the waiting, laughing hysterically, and  told  me that Adam wanted to see me before they started to remove his wisdom teeth. Well, ok…..I mean, seriously, what the hell is going on? At least her laughing meant he didn’t keel over and die or anything.

When I went back to the room, the Dr. was sitting beside Adam, laughing hard and the two assistant raccoons must have been wearing the same mascara. When Adam saw me, he yelled out, “MOM! Come over here and give me a big, wet, kiss.”  Oh Dear God, are you kidding me? You did not just say that??  The kid was as high as a kite.

“Hey, there’s my mom”…and he hugged me and continued..”My mom makes the best chicken…..She makes chicken….every night.”  Seems that he also proposed to one of his assistants while I was in the waiting room. “I asked her to marry me, but she said I was too young for her.”  He acted like he was pouting and then cracked up again.

The Dr. explained that they were ready to take out his teeth, but that Adam had something he wanted to tell me.

“Dr. Wrobleski is so cool, Mom.”  He looked at the Dr. and then asked him  to give him a high 5.  He gave Adam a high 5.  “Low five.” Gave Adam a low five. “No five.”  And with that Adam took his hand and lightly slapped Dr. Wrobleski across the face. And just burst out laughing.  Please tell me that you did not just slap the dentist across the face?

“I like you. Hey Dr. Wrobleski….I think you and I should go drink some beer together sometime. I think that would be fun. Maybe after you take out my teeth.”  He paused and then said. “I bet it would be fun to get high with you. I have never done it, but I will with you, Dr. Wrobleski.”  And then he cracked up laughing again. He then looked over at the assistant he proposed to and said, “Are you sure you don’t want to marry me?  I’m going to be rich….. Can you make chicken?”

Adam started talking about everything under the sun. Told the assistants they were too old for him. “Mom, she keeps asking me to marry her. Tell her I’m too young to get married.”  He burst out laughing again. Dr. Wrobleski finally patted him on his arm and told him that they needed to start working now. Adam replied. “People in the waiting room can wait. There’s a party going on.”  And made a little move with his arms like someone sitting in a wheelchair, making the wheels move…or a locomotive…I sure hope he didn’t dance that way.

Adam had brought his headphones and some music to listen to, and wanted to know if Dr. Wrobleski wanted to wear them. Dear God.  I couldn’t quit laughing, so I know that I wouldn’t be able to get him to quit. So I left to go back out in the waiting room.

When it was done, Adam couldn’t do much talking, so that was good. He wasn’t very good playing sherades, because we didn’t know what the hell he was trying to say. It took us about 20 minutes to get him out the door. Oh, but Adam wasn’t done, yet.

We got to the van, and I opened the door for Adam and I noticed that he had pulled one of those metal security system signs out of the yard that was right by the door and was getting into the van with it. “Adam, what are you doing? You can NOT take that sign home with you.” I started laughing again. Oh My God, this was going to be a long day. I tried to take it from him, but he got out of the car and put it in the yard right by the car. And made a gesture with his arms like “Ta Da!”…Shit..I got out of the van, and took it away from him and we walked back and put it back in the ground where it belonged. We then took off and drove home. I needed to go to Walmart for his prescription, but I didn’t want him to get arrested for shoplifting or proposing to Walmart shoppers.

Well, he was quiet in the car because he had a bunch of gauze in this mouth, thank goodness. I did have to go back to Dr. Wrobleski’s the next morning though.

Adam somehow pulled the security sign back out of the ground again and walked behind me to the van.

It was on the floor in the back seat.

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6 responses to this post.

  1. You guys are making me feel guilty! I never had any wisdom teeth. It’s genetic from my mother’s side. She never had them either. My mom always giggles about it and says that we’re “more evolved”. I’m hoping that my children will be blessed with the same genetic quirk. Save them some money and some pain.

    Reply

  2. Posted by Choi on July 27, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Great post!

    Reply

  3. That might just be the funniest dentist story I have ever heard! Hilarious! that’s when you need a video camera in your purse for blackmail! 😉
    I have a wisdom teeth story, it’s not funny, well kinda now that we can look back on it at the time is was horrifying.
    My poor dear husband had to have his wisdom teeth out about 2 years ago or so. We go and they take him back..i wait…nurse comes out about an hour later and tells me they have not started yet and that he is doped up and fine so if i want to leave for lunch I can..I do. Upon my arrival I get called back by one of the nurses into a room and she tells me the dentist wants to talk to me, there was an ‘incident’ and she closed the door. Holy shit! What happened..I felt like I was in the principal’s office. Well the dentist walks in (who is a woman all women in this office) and she does NOT look happy…SHIT! She proceeds to tell me that first he has taken up pretty much all of the meds in the office and asked if he had a pain pill problem because it seems he has built up quite a tolerance. I said no but he has taken a lot of pain meds in the past because of an accident he had years before (he was drunk on a golf cart and wrecked it and broke 13 bones in his body some still hurt..hits the pain meds every now and again). She goes on…while she was drilling on his tooth he started to yell and cuss at the nurses and at her. In my head I am freaking out! She then goes on to say they he tried to fight the nurses when they tried to restrain him! He threw punches at these women nurses!!! Oh my god I am dying right now!!!!! So I am devastated and she tells me that they have stopped the procedure because it is unsafe and she has to look out for the well being of her staff. They got a half of a tooth out..that’s it! So she says she is going to go back and get him ready to leave and he will be out shortly. I go back to the waiting room only to be called back again. Great! As I am walking down the hall one of the nurses is wheeling him towards me and the guy looked like he had been in a fight..seriously! He had a busted lip, his face is swollen all over. I just about started to cry. I get him home and he is in so much pain because well he has half of a tooth with the nerves exposed. When he is finally able to talk after awhile he told me that as they were wheeling him out he stopped the dentist and said he was in alot of pain and she pulled out a Novocain syringe and stuck it in his mouth and shot him up right there in the hallway! Absolutely Unbelievable. Needless to say he had to go have actual surgery, where he was admitted and put out completely to get the rest of his wisdom teeth removed.

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