Posts Tagged ‘hospital’

Tonsil Time

One of my students had her tonsils and adenoids removed this morning. I really need to write down the things she says in class, because she is so funny. Her biggest concern was that she had to be at the hospital at 6:00. “Ms. Mendenhall, I have to be at the hospital at 6:00. I mean, I don’t have to leave my house at 6:00. I have to BE at the hospital at 6:00.” Isn’t it funny what kids are concerned about? I would have been afraid of strange doctors in my personal space, hovering over me and asking me questions.

“Did you eat anything this morning, Vickie?”

“Um…. I had Sugar Pops for breakfast.”  I wanted to say, “Get the hell out of my space. Don’t you see that box around me?  Stay on the other side.” Not a fan of space invaders.

My student’s mom just told me on Facebook that K. wore her jammies to the hospital. She told her mom, “I look a mess, but it’s not like I’m going to be on tv.” I love that kid.

It also took me back in time, like everything does. It took me back to when my son, Adam, had his tonsils and adenoids removed.

I wrote about this a long time ago. But, I combined it with snow days, breaking out in chicken pox, and my cabin fever as a result of all of those happening in sequence. Stick a Fork in Me Cuz I am Done It was a weird spring.

When Adam was little, he seemed like he was sick all of the time.  He had pneumonia several times. There is nothing worse than a child with a 105 degree fever. I had “mother judgement calls.” You just never know how long is too long before you load them off and race towards the emergency room. He was sick almost every Christmas.

He had drainage all the time. It was so bad that his second grade teacher sent me a note that his continuous clearing his throat was driving her crazy. Well, she didn’t write that, but that is what she meant. And when he would clear his throat, he would quietly utter, “Oh yeah,” which I think was his way to check if he could speak correctly. Like “Check one-two. Check.” Sound system ok. I felt so sorry for him.

So, after NUMEROUS trips to his pediatrician, who I swear put him Augmentin 300 times, I took him straight to an ENT, who announced that his adenoids were so huge, he could see them. I guess you aren’t supposed to be able to see adenoids. His tonsils had to come out.

When I took him back to his regular pediatrician and told him that I took him to an ENT, my doc looked at me like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. We never saw that doctor at that practice again. I’m still pissed at him for letting my son go that long. If a kid is in 3rd or 4 th grade and has had several bouts of strep throat and numerous colds and congestion, get his damn tonsils taken out. I know that I am not a doctor, but I pretend to be one. I’m just saying that the difference is sudden and remarkable.

The scheduled surgery was right when it looked like school was going to be back in session after the perpetual snow event of that winter. Figures..

Adam’s surgery went well and when he came home I made him a bed on the couch in our Hearth Room so he wouldn’t have to go up and down the steps for awhile.  I also made the HUGE mistake of giving him a bell to ring for me.  I wanted him to rest, so I thought that if I gave him a bell, that he could just tap it when he wanted something. Ding Ding!  He wanted paper and a pen, so he could write me notes. Smart kid…Ding Ding!  He wanted his Lego’s. Ding Ding! He wanted  his stuffed animal, Bear. Ding Ding! He wrote that he wanted his stuffed animal penguins, Preston and Prescott. Freaking Ding Dong!

I better warn K.’s mom not to do the same.  I walked in after only two hours, and quietly snatched the bell away from him. So, the mute improvised, and started tapping his pencil against his glass of water. I created a tonsil-less monster.

I really don’t remember how long he stayed home from school after he had his tonsils taken out, but I think it may have been 6 months. Ok, not 6 months, but it felt like that. His tonsils were healing nicely and he was ready to go to school. Well, that would have been nice, but that’s not what happened. He woke up one morning, and said he didn’t feel well. I felt his forehead and he felt a bit warm. I noticed that there was something on the tip his nose. At first I thought it was a booger. Kids wear boogers sometimes. I hurried and raised his pajama top. Shit. “OH MY GOD!” I said out loud. I never cursed in front of the kids, but if I did, I would have said something like this-” Are you shitting me?…… Damnit!”

Yeah, Adam was breaking out with chicken pox.

And then his sister broke out with chicken pox.

And that’s how I started drinking. Ok, just kidding, but minus the damn chicken pox mess, having Adam’s tonsils removed made a huge difference.

K. is going to be just fine.

Just don’t give her a bell.

Child Abuse in Aisle 5

As a teacher, I have to take professional development courses/classes each year so I don’t become stupider (Sorry, couldn’t resist).   I know one teacher who  has been doing the same 2 units  every year for about 20 years. After 20 years, I would think you would want to hang yourself. Dear God, please retire.  Charlotte dies in the end, every time..please move on…Anyway, I was thinking, what other people should take classes each year to hone their  skills and my first thing I thought of were mothers.

Mothers need to take a class titled, “How to Get Out of Walmart Without Slapping  Your Kid.”  I remember being in Walmart in the check-out aisle when Alexandra was a teen-ager and a frazzled mother was slapping a child sitting in the shopping cart, and saying, “I should just take you home.”  Well, you are in the check-out aisle, Einstein. Your next step is home. Unless you have to stop by Human Resources or something. Alex coughed and said under her breath, “Child abuse,”   which cracked me up because it reminded me of  the movie, Animal House, when the Delta brothers coughed, “Blowjob!”.  I looked at her with such pride.  A mini-me. Well, of course the mother-slapper  heard  Alex, and backed the buggy out of the line and went to aisle 31, (which was the aisle all bad mothers ended up.) Seriously, if my kids acted up, I took them right out of Walmart and we went straight to get an ice cream cone. Ok, I am lying, but actually, I would leave everything in the buggy and we would leave. I only had to do this a dozen or so times (lying again) before they knew what was expected of them. And that is why Adam had a lot of Ghostbusters and Ninja Turtles in his closet. It is called, “” You Do Something Good For Me, and I May Do Something Good For You.” Some people call this bribing.  But, they don’t know what the hell they are talking about.  This was a boardroom deal made with both of our wishes realized. He wanted a toy. I wanted him to not act like a red-neck idiot. (Just in case you think I am partial, Alex had a gazillion Barbie dolls..even the Rosie O’Donnel Barbie that I wouldn’t let her take out of the box because it will become a collector’s item in the future.  (I am wise beyond my years.)  But,I had the best behaved kids in any buggy. Guaranteed.

One day when I was in Walmart, I saw a woman who was yanking a kid by the arm. She also had one sitting in the buggy and one who was standing in the buggy, next to the beer and cigarettes. (I couldn’t see everything, but I am sure she had a copy of the National Enquirer also). Ok, I do admit it is hard when you have 3 small children to deal with. But, don’t pull their arm out of  its socket. Just sayin. My dad did that to me when I was 3 because I didn’t want to go to bed one Christmas Eve and I ended up at the hospital. In all fairness to my dad, who was wonderful, he went to take me by the arm and I just hung up in the air like a retarded monkey. (I’m making fun of myself, so I can use the word, “retarded,” if I want to. ) I guess that could pull your arm our of its socket. But, this mother, who by the way, really needed to wash her hair, and that pissed me off,  because you could buy shampoo for the price of the National Enquirer,  yanked and yelled at her child with a long winded tirade directed at what she was going to do to the child when they got home and ended with, “You need a nap!”   And of course I speak without thinking.  I replied to the child, “I think it’s mommy who needs the nap.”

Uh Oh…Perhaps not a good thing to say when she could blow you over with just her breath.  “Excuse me? This is none of your business. How dare you, bitch!  I don’t need a nap!”    Thank God I wasn’t in the toy aisle.  There are dart boards in the toy aisle. I looked down the aisle to see if I was going to need to push someone out of the way when I made my escape, because I had to  have a parting shot. I am too much of a smart ass not to. ” Ok, I’m sorry…….maybe you don’t NEED a nap….pause…pause…  How about therapy?”  And I took off.  Didn’t even look behind to see if she was getting ready to pull my hair. That’s what child abuser’s in Walmart do, you know..they pull hair.

I hid and checked out in the garden supply area and  I did see her in the parking lot as she got  into her nice shiny truck. I thought for sure she would be driving a small car with a different colored door. She had a nice truck. So, that made me even more mad.  Not the child abuse in aisle 5 part, but because I know she could afford to wash that hair.

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