Beating Myself Up

I hate when I wake up in the morning and feel absolutely drained. I might as well just stay up all night playing Solitaire or Angry Birds.  I was tired. I also remember waking up in the middle of a horrible dream. I was sitting in the backseat of a car when something hit us and the person sitting beside me flew out of the car and the people in the front were, well, dead. I remember cowering and I brought up my legs and put my fists in front of my face.

Well, I woke up right about then. I had broken out in a sweat and my heart was racing. Stupid dreams. I looked at the clock. It was 5:45. Dammit, I had to get up to get ready for work at 6:00. It felt like I didn’t sleep at all. My car wreck dream took a lot out of me, it seems.

Well, um. boy did it. I got up and took my shower. I walked over to my mirror and noticed a mark under my eye. I took a washcloth, thinking I was a dirtball and didn’t wash off my mascara very well, even though I washed my face before I went to bed. It didn’t wipe off. That’s when I noticed it. I had a bruise under my eye.

As I looked closer, I noticed that the left side of my face was slightly swollen. Seriously, what the hell?

I stared at my face. Maybe the swelling was just my imagination. Nope. It was swollen. Puffy face. So, I stood there, perplexed. I had a bruise under my eye and a swollen face. Again, what the hell?

I remembered the dream and how I woke up right when I thought something was getting ready to smash into me. Dear God, did I punch myself in the face? Is it really possible to beat yourself up?

And why couldn’t this have happened when I was still married? I’m sure I had plenty of “I could just kill you” dreams. What fun it would have been to just punch in my sleep.

Then I wondered if I got out of my bed during my dream state. Don’t think I didn’t rush downstairs to take a look at my car. You read about sleep walking and sleep driving all the time. Thank goodness my car didn’t have any dents.

According to, “Patients with REM sleep disorders may act out distinctly altered dreams that are vivid, intense, action-packed, and violent. Dream-enacting behaviors include talking, yelling, punching, kicking, sitting, jumping out of bed, arm flailing, and grabbing.” That would be me.  I was diagnosed with the inner ear disorder, Meniere’s Disease, in 2000, and also nystagmus. My eyes like to flit side to side.   I must have had nystagmus when I was little as my mom knew in a heartbeat when I was telling a lie. But, apparently, my eyes like to move around a lot. So, at night, I don’t really get any rest, especially when I decide to dream about violent car accidents. What a loon. Seems to me that I could qualify as a patient…..of the REM sleep disorder kind. One disorder at a time, Vickie.

So, if you ever get upset about something and a friend tells you, “Don’t beat yourself up over it,” they don’t mean that literally, ok? Because, in the end, you really can beat the hell out of yourself. I’m proof.

And if you ever dream that you are in a car accident, make sure you fasten your seatbelt, ok? It saved my life. :)

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8 responses to this post.

  1. [...] Beating Myself Up ( Share this:TwitterFacebookPinterestLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in General, Humor. and tagged Bed, Dream, Dream Ninjas, Sleep, Waking up sore, Woke up sore.Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment [...]


  2. Wow. You gave yourself a black eye? That’s impressive. I’ve done that, but only by accidentally dropping things on my face–and that was when I was wide awake!


  3. Posted by Cathy on September 2, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Hell, I have completely lost my mind!! The name of the blog is, Never Seconds


  4. Posted by Cathy on September 2, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    This has absolutely nothing to do with your post. There is a website that I think you and your fourth graders mght enjoy, it is run mostly by a fourth grader i Scotland with help from her dad. It started out just her posting pictures of her school lunches trying to raise a little money for a faorite charity and it just exploded. Children all over the world send her pictures of their school lunches with discriptions and translations, some really need it. This summer a girl school troop in CA sent daily pictures of their trail meals on a five day mountain hike. You would not believe how much money she has raised for Mary’s Meals, an international charity to feed children. She is right now helping children in Menblwi, I can’t spell it, but I don’t think all her money will go there. Go read it, start with the first post, after you’ve read awhile and the money starts pouring in, go the Mary’s Meal Web Site and read about it, but don’t find out how much money until you’ve read awhile. I think right now a British Pound cost $1.65 aprox. Her name is Sarah, but on the Blog she is Veg, and Kids in classrooms the world over follow her school lunch blog and send in pics of there. American school lunches are something else compared to most of them!! Cathy


  5. Well, Vickie, I hope you have a restful sleep tonight. I’m glad to say I haven’t had any nightmare dreams lately. They’re not fun. I read a book recently about sleepwalking. Can’t remember the name of it. It was fiction but the sleepwalking seemed very real and very scary. Glad to know you didn’t do that. Take care.


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