Every parent has a “puke and poop” story about their kids. You just think that yours tops them all. Well, I don’t think this is the puke story of the century, but it rates.
When my two children were very young, they would head to Grandma’s and Grandpa’s for the evening every once in a while. My husband and I had to go to one of his work parties, so my in-laws told us to bring them on over. We picked them up around ten and back to the house we went. I got the kids ready to go to bed, and all was right with the world. Or so I thought.
I was awakened by Alex crying out for me, “Mommy!” I ran into her room, turned on the light. “My tummy hurts real bad.” I sat on her bed, and she sat up and promptly puked all over herself , the comforter, and me. It was black. I was scared because I had never seen black vomit before. I got her up out of bed, and she threw up again. She did the vomit walk all the way to the bathroom. No sooner than I got Alex to the bathroom, I heard Adam yell for me. “Mommy, I threw up!”
I yelled for my husband to help. Why should he get to sleep? He balked at changing dirty diapers and turned green when he saw blood or vomit. He was generally useless, but I needed help. Adam had at least tried to aim for his wastepaper basket by his bed, but threw up all over the his nice light grey berber carpet. It was black vomit.
Oh, Dear God, they have some terrible virus, I thought. A black virus. Her carpeting was a very light pink and white berber and I knew I had to scrub fast before it really stained. Alex wanted to try to go back to bed, but as soon as she got in the hall, vomited again. She was a vomit walker. I ran and got the wastebasket in her room for her to hold while I took her bedding off and put new sheets on her bed. I should have just picked them both up and put them in the bathtub so they could just puke in an enclosed area.
I told my husband that their forehead didn’t feel warm. I was ready to rush them to the hospital. I’m telling you that the vomit was jet black. I was stunned. Jet propulsion vomit. Vomit splatter. CSI style. My babies probably had a rare, contagious disease I couldn’t pronounce.
Jay just looked at me and said, “They smell like oreo cookies.”
What? Oreo cookies? That couldn’t be. How could kids vomit so much blackness from just an oreo cookie or two. “Well, that is probably the last thing they ate.” I replied. Then I thought that Grandpa probably gave them a couple cookies late, but that shouldn’t make them vomit, for goodness sake. I was pretty strict with the junk food. I never gave them pop and I limited their cookie eating every day. No, they must have that rare, 5-syllable disease I was thinking of before.
So, my husband started the questioning. “Adam, did you and Alex eat oreo cookies at Grandpa’s?”
He nodded. “We had oreo cookies and root beer.”
“How many cookies do you think you ate?” my husband asked.
“Like 2 bags.” Adam said and then threw up again. I can’t stress the blackness enough.
I looked at Adam like he had three eyes. “You mean 2 cookies, right?” And that’s when Alex chirped in. “Grandpa put the bag of Oreo’s on the table and gave us a Root Beer.”
“He let you eat more than 1 or 2?” I asked, my blood pressure slowly rising.
“Grandpa fell asleep in his chair. We ate the first bag. It didn’t have many cookies in it, and we threw it away. He woke up and Adam told him we were out of Oreo cookies. So, he got us another bag. And poured us some more root beer.” Alex noted in detail.
Adam added, ” So, when he fell asleep again, we ate the second bag.” He looked at me like it was no big deal.
“YOU ATE A WHOLE BAG OF OREO COOKIES?…. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” I was ready to call my in-laws. I didnt’ care that it was 1:00a.m. My kids shared more than a bag of Oreo cookies and had several cans of Root beer each. I was beyond furious.
“Mommy, it wasn’t Grandpa’s fault. He was sleeping.” Yeah, that makes it better.
I scrubbed the vomit walk in both bedrooms and the hallway. I changed the sheets on their beds and put blankets on top of their sheets since their comforters were caressed with Oreo upchuck.
Yes, Oreo upchuck. That’s what I called it. Like it was an episode on tv- Oreo Upchuck, brought to you by Tide, when your whites can’t get white enough. When your children spew black Oreos on their pajamas. Let Tide bring the color back to life.
Needless to say, Oreo cookies could not be brought into my home. You couldn’t even say “Oreo cookies”, unless you wanted to see my death stare.
I still hate Oreo cookies. Not too fond of Root Beer either.
Jumping in Mud Puddles 