Posts Tagged ‘mud puddles’

All Those With a Smallpox Vaccination Scar Raise Your Hand

Is your child vaccinated Vaccination prevents ...

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I was a little bewildered today when I went to Walmart.  For one, there was a guy standing in line in front of me and he was only wearing a white t-shirt. It’s cold outside, so I immediately judged him and quietly labeled him a “moron.”   Not that I check out every Tom, Dick, and Moron in Walmart, but since he was right in front of me, I also noticed that when he reached to scratch his arm, he had a scar on his upper left arm.  It was pretty damn big.  Then, I realized it was “the” scar.

For those of you who were born before 1970 or were in a military family, you should know what I am talking about:  The World Health Organization’s Smallpox Eradication program.

So, go get a mirror and look at your left arm. You may just have a scar from the smallpox vaccination.

Are you back? Ok. Let’s move on.

Smallpox has a history of being one of the worst diseases known to man.  According to the World Health Organization, WHO, “The incubation period is followed by the sudden onset of influenza-like symptoms including fever, malaise, headache, prostration, severe back pain and, less often, abdominal pain and vomiting. Two to three days later, the temperature falls and the patient feels somewhat better, at which time the characteristic rash appears, first on the face, hands and forearms and then after a few days progressing to the trunk. Lesions also develop in the mucous membranes of the nose and mouth, and ulcerate very soon after their formation, releasing large amounts of virus into the mouth and throat.”

During the 1950′s there were more than 50 million cases of smallpox worldwide….each year. It killed as many as 30% of those infected.

And it is the only disease that was eradicated because of the vaccine. From the information that I have read on the subject, (historyofvaccines.org) smallpox was a problem worldwide for centuries. In our country, there was a colonial epidemic in 1633. In 1736, Benjamin Franklin lost his son to smallpox. He did not have his son innoculated and with remorse, wrote the following:

“In 1736 I lost one of my Sons, a fine Boy of 4 Years old, taken by the Small Pox in the common way. I long regretted that I had not given it to him by Inoculation, which I mention for the Sake of Parents, who omit that Operation on the Supposition that they should never forgive themselves if a Child died under it; my Example showing that the Regret may be the same either way, and that therefore the safer should be chosen.”

— Benjamin Franklin, quoted in Franklin on Franklin by Paul Zall

In 1776, 10,000 soldiers with the Continental army in Canada were struck down with smallpox. There was a rumor that a British officer sent infected soldiers into battle to deliberately expose the enemy. This caused the Continental army to retreat, keeping the northern British colonies together.

John Adams wrote, “ Our misfortunes in Canada are enough to melt the heart of stone. The smallpox is ten times more terrible than the British, Canadians and Indians together. This was the cause of our precipitate retreat from Quebec.”

— John Adams, quoted in Ian Glynn and Jenifer Glynn, The Life and Death of Smallpox

The timeline marches on.

In 1781, future president Andrew Jackson, contracted smallpox. His brother, Robert, died of the disease.

In 1796, Edward Jenner came up with a vaccine. He tested it on a boy (well, guinea pigs didn’t get smallpox) and it was a success. After that, many countries began innoculation programs. It was brought to our country in 1800.

Fastforward to 1862. During the Civil War, several pockets of the disease popped up.

A hospital was built in Richmond just for smallpox. The Smallpox hospital lost more than 100 patients in one week. During Christmas in 1862, the hospital admitted 250 patients. Only 140 survived the outbreak.

smallpox victim, circa 1912
Fast forward once again to 1922. By this time, the United States has put in place mandatory innoculation. Children would not be permitted to attend school until they received a smallpox vaccination.
In 1967, WHO, the World Health Organization, implemented a worlwide smallpox eradication program.
Reported numbers often underestimated the true number of cases.

I don’t remember how old I was when I had the smallpox vaccine. I was born in 1956. I think I was around ten or eleven, but I’m not sure.  My mom and dad both had scars on their upper left arms. Both of them were pretty large. So, imagine my anguish when I found out I was going to get the smallpox vaccine. I remember standing in line to get it. I am not positive, but I think I was at school. The guidelines were to innoculate anywhere between birth and three years of age and the booster was given 5-10 years after. The first one was more like a scraping.

The mass vaccination strategy did eradicate smallpox. You were lucky if you were only left with a small vaccination scar. The scar was supposed to be no bigger than the size of a dime. Mine was the size of a dime. Many people weren’t so lucky. But, they were lucky they didn’t contract smallpox.

The scar left behind looked like a bunch of little craters.

After receiving the vaccination, after three or four days, a red, itchy bump developed at the site. After the first week, the bump became a large blister, filled with pus, and then it began to drain. During the second week, the blister began to dry and then a scab formed. In theory, by the fourth week, the scab was supposed to fall off, leaving a “small” scar.  For some. For others, it left a huge scar that looked like a bunch of little craters. I used to look at people’s arms just to see if they had a huge scar. I was scared to death. I was sure my skinny little arm would be one huge scar.

My mom took care of it though. I think it was hard for boys to take care of their blistered, filled with pus, scab. And I will tell you why. They used to give each other a little quick punch on each other’s arms. Why? Because they were retarded. Well, that’s the word we girls would use back then to describe boys in general anyway. I believe that some are worse because of the itching during the healing process. I didn’t itch mine. I didn’t touch mine. I was not going to have a gigantic swirl of scars on my arm.

The last epidemic of smallpox in the US was in Texas in 1949, seven years before I was born. The last worldwide case was in Somalia in 1977. The US officially stopped vaccinating the general public against smallpox in 1972 but continued to vaccinate certain military personnel until 1990.

So, after staring at the moron in Walmart today and coming home, curious about “the” scar, I learned a great deal.

The most important thing I learned is that I am innoculated against one of the most evil diseases known to man. That’s a good thing. The bad thing is that my children aren’t. Most of your children aren’t.

Let’s only hope it never rears its ugly head again.

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Enjoy this story? Jumping in Mud Puddles is now an ebook  that you can download on your Kindle. Don’t have a Kindle? No problem. Amazon will let you download their Kindle app FREE…Yes, free.  Have a look see.  :)  My literary debut….. Amazon.com for $3.99. It’s sort of funny.

Jumping in Mud Puddles: A Memoir of a Picky, Hyper, Big Fat Liar

Creative Play Sends Mom to Funny Farm

I love being a mother. I truly do. It is the best job in the world.  Sure, there are some days when you wonder if your children are idiots.  Or “Special.”  (Which means, retarded, but we can’t say that anymore)  Case in point, years ago, we  had just built our new house and we had just moved in. I had just scrubbed my kitchen floor earlier in the day and it was looking pretty. My husband and I had walked my brother-in-law out into the garage as he was getting ready to leave, when all of a sudden, Alex, who was only about 4,  came running out crying and pointing back into the house. “Mommy….unrecognizable blather….Adam”   I replied, “Ok, Alex, Mommy will be right in.”  I had no idea what the hell she just said, but if Adam was involved, it was going to be good.

We had a large kitchen with a dining nook and an eating bar on the island and on another eating bar by the family room. One big room. I walked into the family room, and Adam was standing still in the kitchen, like a marble statue. Like they were playing Freeze Tag and Alex quit and had walked away from him a while before. ”What? I asked Adam. Then I saw it.  Shards of glass EVERYWHERE. Thousands upon thousands of mini pieces of glass, or shards, like I just said, all over the counter, all over the floor, all over Adam. Well, and in a path to the garage, because little Alex was covered in glass also.

“Oh my God!!!” Don’t move.  Adam, what happened?”  Now, you have to understand that Adam didn’t  really let anything bother him. I am sure he was thinking that it was an experiment that didn’t go too well. Like the time he and Alex covered their legs with toothpaste (Never found out what that was about). Or the time they poured the whole container of baby powder all over their bedroom in the old house because they didn’t want people to want to buy it. He wanted the  house to look “Yucky.” Well, son, it did look yucky, since the day before that, when you poured all of the cereal out of the boxes and stomped on it. Gave new meaning to “Snap, Crackle and Pop.” I had no idea he was trying to sabotage us selling the house. I just thought he was quite mental. Smooshing jelly beans into the carpet was a highlight.

I didn’t curse in front of my children. I really didn’t say a curse word in front of  them until Alex was in high school. Then, I realized I enjoyed it.  I curse all of the time now. Enjoy getting my friends to join in.   So, anywho, I didn’t curse that day, and I think even the most prim and proper person you can picture would have given their permission for me to spew out some expletives that day. “Adam, what did you dooooo?” (You idiot)

“We were sword fighting.”  Adam replied like it really wasn’t a bad idea.  “With what???” I couldn’t get to him, as he was surrounded by lovely pieces of glass shrapnel, intent on piercing and  living under the skin forever. This was just pissing me off.

“Light bulbs.”

Yes, my mad scientist son and his assistant, Igor, were sword fighting…with light bulbs. No, not the long ones that are flourescent bulbs, but the regular light bulbs. I believe they were  60 watt  bulbs. (Why am I mentioning that?)  Why would anyone in their right mind even think to sword fight with light bulbs. Pretzel sticks, perhaps, even soft, friendly Q-Tips. But not light bulbs. Right then I realized I was probably going to be put into a “home” before I was 60. (Only have 7 years to go.) And right then I realized that Adam’s elevator didn’t go to the top floor.  It went beyond.

I worked on that kitchen for hours. I first had to take their clothes off , examined their bodies, and I looked through their hair. Surprisingly, they had no glass there. I then handed each child to Jay, and he took them upstairs for bathtime. Even though they just had freakin bath time while my brother-in-law was downstairs talking to Jay. I then wiped off all of the counters. I swept the floor with a broom. I swept the floor with the vacuum cleaner. I then got masking tape and got on my hands and knees and put my face down close to the floor to look for pieces I missed and would dab them with the masking tape. Then I did the whole process all over again.  Each time I widened my circle. Hell, glass could have been in the cat dish for all I know. .All the while, I was trying to figure out why they would sword fight with light bulbs. I guess they went through a couple of the 4 packs.

The next week I stepped on an errant piece of glass that was out of my of cleaning  region.

“F&^%!  Son of a Bitch!!!”  No, didn’t make me feel any better. There was glass now living under my skin. I would be aware of it everytime I took a step. I talked to my mom, aka Joan Crawford later that day and told her what happened.

“Oh, those poor kids. Vickie, you should never leave kids alone, even for a second. You should know better than that.   They are so lucky that glass didn’t fly in their eyes and blind them. Why, I had THREE  kids and I never…………………………….(oops, hung up on her by mistake)

NOW I felt better.

Child Abuse in Aisle 5

As a teacher, I have to take professional development courses/classes each year so I don’t become stupider (Sorry, couldn’t resist).   I know one teacher who  has been doing the same 2 units  every year for about 20 years. After 20 years, I would think you would want to hang yourself. Dear God, please retire.  Charlotte dies in the end, every time..please move on…Anyway, I was thinking, what other people should take classes each year to hone their  skills and my first thing I thought of were mothers.

Mothers need to take a class titled, “How to Get Out of Walmart Without Slapping  Your Kid.”  I remember being in Walmart in the check-out aisle when Alexandra was a teen-ager and a frazzled mother was slapping a child sitting in the shopping cart, and saying, “I should just take you home.”  Well, you are in the check-out aisle, Einstein. Your next step is home. Unless you have to stop by Human Resources or something. Alex coughed and said under her breath, “Child abuse,”   which cracked me up because it reminded me of  the movie, Animal House, when the Delta brothers coughed, “Blowjob!”.  I looked at her with such pride.  A mini-me. Well, of course the mother-slapper  heard  Alex, and backed the buggy out of the line and went to aisle 31, (which was the aisle all bad mothers ended up.) Seriously, if my kids acted up, I took them right out of Walmart and we went straight to get an ice cream cone. Ok, I am lying, but actually, I would leave everything in the buggy and we would leave. I only had to do this a dozen or so times (lying again) before they knew what was expected of them. And that is why Adam had a lot of Ghostbusters and Ninja Turtles in his closet. It is called, “” You Do Something Good For Me, and I May Do Something Good For You.” Some people call this bribing.  But, they don’t know what the hell they are talking about.  This was a boardroom deal made with both of our wishes realized. He wanted a toy. I wanted him to not act like a red-neck idiot. (Just in case you think I am partial, Alex had a gazillion Barbie dolls..even the Rosie O’Donnel Barbie that I wouldn’t let her take out of the box because it will become a collector’s item in the future.  (I am wise beyond my years.)  But,I had the best behaved kids in any buggy. Guaranteed.

One day when I was in Walmart, I saw a woman who was yanking a kid by the arm. She also had one sitting in the buggy and one who was standing in the buggy, next to the beer and cigarettes. (I couldn’t see everything, but I am sure she had a copy of the National Enquirer also). Ok, I do admit it is hard when you have 3 small children to deal with. But, don’t pull their arm out of  its socket. Just sayin. My dad did that to me when I was 3 because I didn’t want to go to bed one Christmas Eve and I ended up at the hospital. In all fairness to my dad, who was wonderful, he went to take me by the arm and I just hung up in the air like a retarded monkey. (I’m making fun of myself, so I can use the word, “retarded,” if I want to. ) I guess that could pull your arm our of its socket. But, this mother, who by the way, really needed to wash her hair, and that pissed me off,  because you could buy shampoo for the price of the National Enquirer,  yanked and yelled at her child with a long winded tirade directed at what she was going to do to the child when they got home and ended with, “You need a nap!”   And of course I speak without thinking.  I replied to the child, “I think it’s mommy who needs the nap.”

Uh Oh…Perhaps not a good thing to say when she could blow you over with just her breath.  ”Excuse me? This is none of your business. How dare you, bitch!  I don’t need a nap!”    Thank God I wasn’t in the toy aisle.  There are dart boards in the toy aisle. I looked down the aisle to see if I was going to need to push someone out of the way when I made my escape, because I had to  have a parting shot. I am too much of a smart ass not to. ” Ok, I’m sorry…….maybe you don’t NEED a nap….pause…pause…  How about therapy?”  And I took off.  Didn’t even look behind to see if she was getting ready to pull my hair. That’s what child abuser’s in Walmart do, you know..they pull hair.

I hid and checked out in the garden supply area and  I did see her in the parking lot as she got  into her nice shiny truck. I thought for sure she would be driving a small car with a different colored door. She had a nice truck. So, that made me even more mad.  Not the child abuse in aisle 5 part, but because I know she could afford to wash that hair.

Mr. Magoo on Crack

When you marry the person you love, you marry the good and the bad. You promise to honor and obey. (Traditional wedding vows were the norm when we got married, damnit.) But, nowhere did it say that I had to ride in a car with my husband.  I call my now ex, Mr. Magoo to his face, so that’s not a secret.  “Buckle Up and Close your eyes” would be an appropriate phrase.

Magoo is the worst driver in the world.  (Sorry for the exaggeration. I am sure there are worse drivers in Outer Mongolia, where ever the hell that is.)  He drives into the direction he is looking.  Sure, people need to have their eyes on the road at all times, but not Magoo. Countless times he would point and say, “Look at that, Vickie” and then drive in that direction. I would answer, “I can’t, Jay, someone has to drive..”  But, if I hadn’t screamed numerous times, I think we would have taken out countless mailboxes through the years.  He would get mad at me for making a “We are surely going to die” noise each time.  I guess he wanted me to say, “Golly gee, Jay, there is a mailbox coming into our windshield. Oh, look, the post has impaled me,”  instead of screaming. I rode with my arm holding onto the strap by the door and one foot on my imaginary brake.  He is one of those drivers who ride up to a red light and then come to a quick bumpy stop, the kind of stop that feels like the back of the car is going up into the air a few feet.  He does this, instead of slowing the acceleration and taking his foot off the gas and slowly applying the brake. (page 43)

I hated the thought of the Washington-DC beltway to get to Ocean City because Magoo loved speeding and jumping lanes without looking to see who was beside him. He had his seatbelt on, after all, and that made him invincible. I literally cried every time we went on that stupid beltway. Oh, yes, I tried to drive it, to lessen my need for a drink, but Magoo shouted out commands, “Get in the right lane. Now… Now Vickie… Vickie…Get in the right lane… Vickie….Vickie…NOW…Shit…You waited too long. You almost hit that guy. Do you want me to drive? “

Since I was the co-pilot, I decided to find a route so we wouldn’t have to go on the beltway. It was called the, “We are Now Going to Myrtle Beach” route. The first year or two we would go around Charlotte, North Carolina, which had a string of red lights and a speed limit of -25mph. He did not like this road Sam I am.  So, I found back roads that took us by South of the Border. But, Magoo could not obey speed limits. Not when he had an ocean waiting for him. When we entered the town of Latta, I told him, “You need to slow down. The speed limit is 25.” Magoo didn’t believe me. He sped up. And of course, a cop pulled us over. I think Alex started crying. But, that may have been me. I was so mad at him.   I did the quiet, “I’ll have the lobster”  and close the menu routine all week.

Magoo had a 1977 MGB that I rode in maybe 3 times. I called it the “Little Piss Ant”.   He tried to behave himself, but the top was down and now he could look straight up. He was loving a convertible.  “Maybe I will buy a motorcycle.”  “Well, you better buy more life insurance is all I can tell you,” was my rolling-pin wanna-be answer.  He couldn’t drive a motorcycle. Dear God, Magoo could wreck a stationary bike.

We are now divorced and I don’t drink so much anymore, but he invited me out on the river on his new Craig-Cat, which is like a catamaran.  Mr. Magoo on crack…on the water…Those poor kids on inner tubes…they are so dead.

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