That Windshield Sticker Means Something, Right?

That Windshield Sticker Means Something, Right?

Procrastination is alive and well in my neck of the woods. It’s time to get my car inspected. So, like, where the hell are the dishonest mechanics when you need one? I want to be able to do what my husband was able to do years ago. Go into a garage where they make you honk your horn, turn your lights on and off,  and turn on the all important window wipers. Ta da! Inspection is done. Pay the man and leave. Where the hell are you, dishonest John? I know it has been years, but I am sure they are still out there.

Inspection station in Fairview

The little sticker is staring at me: 3/12. March, 2012. I made an appointment with my regular guy for yesterday. My regular guy wasn’t going to pass my inspection two years ago. Said my tires were bald. So what?

I had to buy four new tires and brakes. Ka-ching. Surely the tires should still be okay this time. I have them rotated and my car taken care of every three months. I’m just going to tell him that I just need to make it until June. I want to trade my car in when school lets out. I really like my Hyundai Santa Fe.

There are a lot of moving parts on a vehicle, and there are authorized state inspection stations that have a list of shit they have to check. From the Pennslvania dmv site: “Safety inspections for passenger cars and light-duty trucks require that the following items be checked: suspension components, steering, braking systems, tires and wheels, lighting and electrical systems, glazing (glass), mirrors, windshield washer, defroster, wipers, fuel systems, the speedometer, the odometer, the exhaust systems, horns and warning devices, the body, and chassis.”

The Virginia DMV has a inspection sticker procedure for dummies:

1. Remove old inspection sticker

2. Drive vehicle into inspection lane

24. Issue new inspection sticker

They do a walk through of everything that needs to be checked. So, if you drive into an inspection station in Virginia with a blue colored door on a red colored vehicle, you will be shot.

My state of West Virginia doesn’t care to let its citizens know what is to be inspected. Just go there and be surprised when they ask you why the hell you unhooked your odometer. I don’t even know if you can do that anymore. People used to do it before they traded their car in. I guess that is frowned upon.

If your horn doesn't work, your children will be removed and put in foster care.

Sometimes I wonder how the hell some vehicles on the road pass inspection. I know why they get by? They know where to go. It’s so much fun sitting behind a car that should be on fire for the amount of fumes coming out of his tail pipe. I feel like I’m driving through a Colorado wildfire or something. Dear God, driver, do you not see the smoke curling around your vehicle as you drive?

Uh Oh baby! Fumes in your lungs can't be good.

photo via Greenpeace

And then there’s the sound makers. I learned a long time ago that when you put your foot on the brakes and there is a screeching noise, that usually means something. I hear a lot of brake screeching. It is like riding with a bunch of freaking owls. Brakes are sort of important.

Lights must be operational-And then there’s One Eyed Jack. Do you know that your left front light is not working? You might as well put a big patch on your light and be a pirate ship. But of my lights went out within fifteen minutes of each other. Luckily I was close to my home and it was just dusk. I couldn’t go anywhere at night until my headlights were changed. Luckily, my guy got me in the next day.

Just passed inspection.

You know what people care the most about what works in their vehicles? Oh, sure, brakes and lights are important, but God forbid it their horn quits working. They will miss a day of work to take it in for an emergency appointment. Americans have to have operational horns above everything else. I mean, transportation as we know it would be total chaos without our horns. We have road rage and our horns are our first line of offense.

When I learned to drive, I embarrassed my teen age peers riding with me on day. Seems that every time I turned the wheel to the right, the horn would sound. Not just a beep beep. A blaring horn. It would make this noise until I straightened up my wheel. At first I didn’t think it was me and was pissed at the car behind me. Even flipped them off. Oops, my bad. It was my dad’s car.  It was…..horny. (That’s where that term came from. Too much horn).

In the end, I got out by the skin of my teeth. My car tires passed, but right above the minimum requirement, which I guess is bad. My tires are balding again. Dammit.

The penny test.

Shouldn’t tires last for two years? I blame the back roads to my school. Stupid pot holes. I plan on trading my car in this summer when school lets out. The air conditioner is shot.

I bet they didn’t even check the air conditioner. It should be part of the inspection process. People get mad when they are hot. Road rage.

An easy vehicle inspection

I’m thinking that there should be inspections for any sort of transportation. Kids should get pulled over.

Kid, your seat is not up to code.

                                                 Heading to the inspection station

So, don’t forget that the little sticker on your window means something. It may be true that police give 30 days for those of us who have no brain. It depends who pulls you over, I guess. So, don’t flip him off as he approaches your window. Just sayin. Get your car inspected.

You will need your horn the next time someone cuts in front of you.

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