Idiom Fridays

When I was young, my dad loved using idioms. I think he is the one that started them. Really. His favorite was, “All hell broke loose.” I could picture fire and the devil breaking out of a jail somewhere. I’ve loved idioms every since.

I teach fourth grade and every Friday we have “Idiom Friday.” I can’t help it, I have to do it. It’s more for me than for the kids.  I write the idiom on the board, we discuss its meaning, and then the students draw the idiom. After they are finished, their pictures go out in the hall for a week, and then are put away in their black writing notebook. At the end of the year they are able to take their idioms home.

Some of the more popular idioms were, “Couch Potato,” “Raining Cats and Dogs”, “You Crack Me Up”, and “My Eyes are Bigger Than My Stomach.” The students have fun and I am always amazed by their creative drawings. Here’s one of mine that I really shouldn’t use. Fun stuff.

But, one day, I was a little slap-happy from a tossing, restless sleep the night before, and thought about the idioms you shouldn’t use in school. I asked my facebook friends on my status one day, “Would ‘Smelling Like a French Whore’  be appropriate for fourth graders?”  I was teasing, of course. I don’t want to be fired just yet.  So, to amuse myself, I started thinking of others that you really shouldn’t use in fourth grade. I apologize for using curse words, but I didn’t make these up. I think my fourth graders would like these….I think the members of the board of education would too, since I am sure I would be visiting them if I wrote any of these on the board….

Picture these written on a board:

All hell broke loose  (in honor of my dad)

Beat his brains out

That’s a load of crap

wearing a shit-eating grin

He’s a chicken shit

kick the bucket

He likes to  stir shit

Let’s blow this joint

Beat a dead horse

He’s in deep shit

kill 2 birds with one stone

bite someone’s  head off

He’s on my shit list

cold as a witch’s tit

Make your blood boil

break a leg

I was scared shitless

clip someone’s wings

cook somebody’s goose

He will be shitting bricks

kick some ass

pain in the ass

he beat the hell out of him.

smart ass

his ass is on the line

Get your shit together

kiss my ass

talking out of your ass

He has shit for brains

Holy Shit!

The shit hit the fan

Shoot the bull

Beat his brains out

That’s a load of crap

I guess I just may have too much time on my hands.  (Normal idiom)

Local on the 8′s

Forced listening. It is all around us. First, it was elevator music. I remember humming, Do You Know the Way to San Jose? for weeks after getting off of an elevator one time. I would rather listen to the grinding noise of the cables, pulling up the precariously hung ancient Otis elevator  than some of the music they make us listen to.

Image via Wikipedia

And then there is the ever present telephone prompt waiting. I know why they put terrible music on the telephone while you wait to talk to someone about your new laptop’s green screen. They want you to get soo sick of listening to depressing, cobwebs- growing -on -you music , so that you just get mad and hang up. You’d rather live with the pukey green screen than listen to 45 minutes of Lawrence Welk music.

And then we come to the Weather Channel. First of all, you have to understand that I am the local self-proclaimed weather person on Facebook. I give the ~Weather Dork Report~ for my friends, as I always have the Weather Channel on in the background. I love the weather. But, I just have one bit of advice for the those wonderful predictors of the weather….

  If I worked for the Weather Channel, I would use  music to match the weather when it’s time for Local on the 8′s.  For those of you who do not live in the United States, the Local on the 8′s is the local weather that is shown several times each hour, such ast 9:08, 9:18, 9;28, etc. There is music in the background while some man reads the weather report. Now, to give them credit, they are getting better with their music choices. I think I just heard Coldplay on the last Local on the 8. But, I’m not talking about music in general. I’m talking about the THEME. Although The Weather Channel is getting pretty snazzy. They did release a Smooth Jazz CD in 2007, based on the music played on the Local on the 8′s segments. They are progressive. But, I like my idea. If not every day, then maybe on April Fool’s Day.

For example. I think that if it is going to be a beautiful, sunny day, they should play songs like, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” or  a Disney happy tune, like Zip E Dee Do Da or however you spell it.

When a horrible storm is nearing, play music from Jaws. Wouldn’t it be fun to hear this music when a straight line thunderstorm is approaching:

You could sit on your couch, turned around, with your knees on the cushions, and your elbows on the back of the couch, watching out your picture window, bowl of popcorn nearby.  You know the storm is getting closer, because the music is getting louder and faster. Wouldn’t that be a hoot?

And of course, who couldn’t resist a little Flight of The Bumblebee when a blizzard is knocking on your door?

I guess I could go on and on with musical selections that match the weather. There are different kinds of genre to choose from.  Or music with “weather” in the title:

You are The Sunshine of My Life- Stevie Wonder

Windy-The Association

Who’ll Stop the Rain-Creedence Clearwater Revival

Walking on Sunshine-Katrina and the Waves

Sunshine on My Shoulders-John Denver

Singin in the Rain- Gene Kelly

Riders on the Storm- The Doors

Please Don’t Stop the Rain- James Morrison

November Rain-Guns n Roses

I Love a Rainy Night- Eddie Rabbitt

Here Comes the Sun- The Beatles

Good Day Sunshine- The Beatles

Ain’t No Sunshine- Bill Withers

Against the Wind- Bob Seger

Ride Like the Wind-Christopher Cross

Buckets of Rain- Bob Dylan (Thanks Pat!)

You are My Sunshine (Thanks Pat!)

I guess I could go on and on. I don’t know. I just think I have something here.

In the end, we will have weather.

Rain will come.

It will be miserably hot.

We will carve pumpkins.

And then hit people in the head with snowballs.

Might as well set the mood with music.