Quad Triple A Shoe With a Quin A Heel

I have a quote on my facebook info page that says, “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” ~Jack Handey~

This quote has absolutely nothing to do with what I am going to write about, but it is about shoes, so, um, it may become pertinent. Since I am on a shoe kick from my last post, I thought I would continue with that line of thought.

I had very tiny feet when I was younger. My mom had to take me to a “special” store for my shoes. Nothing makes you feel like you are mentally challenged than going shopping for special shoes. Of course, back then, we were able to use the word “retarded”  every sentence or two, and that’s how I felt when we all hopped into the car to get Vickie some new shoes. Marlinn Shoe Store is what I am thinking it was called, but I think that may have been the normal one everyone else got to go to. It had a Merry Go Round ride in the store. My store just had a place to put your foot to see what size you wore. I stood on the damn thing one too many times.

I wore a quad triple A shoe with a quin A heel, whatever the hell that meant. No matter what size I grew into, I was still needing a quad triple A shoe with a quin A heel. She would even tell company what I wore. “Vickie is sooo tiny. She wears a quad triple A shoe with a quin A heel. Go get your new shoes, Vickie.”  Dear God, Mom. Who the hell wants to look at shoes?  Maybe since she couldn’t get a fur coat, my shoes were the next best thing to flaunt in front of the neighbors. Way to go, Mom. I had to keep the shoes in the box they came in because, well, they needed a proper home. Apparently, when called to show company new shoes, they should always be carried in their box….with the tissue paper surrounding them like being presented on a platter. Crazy mother. It was never a good day for me after my first scuff mark.

We tried to get shoes at other places that sort of fit, but that usually meant putting Kleenex at the back of the shoe to make it a bit more snug. At least I would have a tissue if I had to blow my nose or something. At the place for retards, they didn’t have much to choose from. It seemed that I would get something with a strap to keep my poor foot inside the shoe. As I got older, I remember getting penny loafers. They didn’t really fit, but I pretended that they did because I wanted them so damn badly. I curled my toes up in order to keep my feet in the shoes as my mom made me walk all over the damn store to see how they felt.  I do remember that she was even smoking in the store. Her Salem cigarettes never got a vacation.

So, it got me thinking about people who I remember because of their shoes. Of course, some of the people aren’t real, but it might have made me feel better back then.

1. Olive Oyl- Popeye’s girlfriend has been wearing the same pair of boots as long as I have known her. They were probably Ugg’s. And maybe, just maybe quad triple A shoes with a quin A heel. Nevertheless, she was able to get a boyfriend despite the fact that sandals were not an option during a trip to the beach.

2. Dorothy Gale of Kansas- Dorothy had shoes that were magically put on her feet. The famous ruby slippers from the Wizard of Oz. What people didn’t know is that famous designer Salvatore Ferragamo designed the shoes for the movie. Dorothy was able to traipse around the Emerald City in beautiful shoes that evil witches wanted. Afterall, I’m sure they had Olive Oyl’s boots on under their black witchy gowns. A girl needs to feel pretty once in a while.

3. Joan Crawford- Rumor has it that actress Joan Crawford like to keep her black ankle-strapped shoes on while having sex because they looked that good.  I guess it would look a bit sexy compared to, um, fuzzy slippers or flip flops perhaps. Sure, she liked to hit her daughter with a wire hangar, but damn, she knew she looked good in those shoes. She had many pair of shoes, but they were all the same kind.

4. Mary Tyler Moore- These shoes are my favorite. It’s like, “I’m a ballerina, no wait, I just want to be close to the ground.” I loved her black flats with her black pants. I wanted to be Laura Petrie. I would have had to put kleenex in the back to keep my foot in the shoe. Or, curl my toes, I guess, like I did so many times.

Um, would never happen

Thank God Lady Gaga wasn’t around in the 60′s. Well, first of all, my mom would not hear of it. It was hard enough to get penny loafers that

fit. When I got older and went shopping on my own, I felt like I was let out of a box. I tried other stores and realized that sure, my heel is quite narrow (quin A remember?), but I did have more options. I think my mom took me to a shoe store that only had one style…one lonely pair of shoes in their show window. Gives me the creeps. Twilight Zone.

Today I am proud to say that age and being overweight by a few pounds has smashed down my foot and has made it wider. Well, that’s what I am thinking. Sure, my heel is still narrow and I walk out of a lot of shoes without straps, but I can say “Quad triple A shoe with a Quin A heel” faster than anyone.

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