Cursing/Cussing Protocol

A friend let me know this morning that I wasn’t using the right symbols when I cursed on a facebook status. Apparently, one must use the pound symbol, #,  like Beetle Bailey does in the comic strip.  For example, the symbols %$#* would be correct, as would *#&!, but never ^($@.  See? It really doesn’t look right. So, if you must cuss, use the pound symbol.

  People have been cursing since the beginning of time. I don’t know that for sure, but I can only imagine. “Holy sh*t!” was probably uttered in biblical times. There were enough miracles and weird stuff going on to mutter that. Case in point: Parting of the sea. You know that had to amaze someone enough to curse. Maybe something happened to a cow. “Holy cow!” It could have happened like that.

 One thing I want to straighten out before I get into the meat and potatoes of this post is that you can say either “curse” or “cuss.”  Cuss is an American alteration of “curse.” You know we love to cut words down when we get the chance. So, both words are correct. Well, unless you put a curse on someone. That takes on a whole new meaning.

 When I was little, my mom and dad never cursed/cussed in front of us. Well, except for the one time my dad had a flat tire when we were driving on vacation somewhere. I was sitting in the backseat, fighting with my brother and sister, when I heard my dad say…the F word. I don’t know how old I was, but I started crying. My mom got mad because we had to get out of the car so he could change the tire. He was cussing under his breath and I heard every word. My mom didn’t understand why I was crying.

“Vickie…..why in the world are you crying?………………..Well, he is really mad………Well, your dad isn’t a cartoon character, so he doesn’t say dagnabbit……..I don’t know what Gadzooks means, Vickie……Yes, people say “heck”  instead of “down there. (She pointed down, to hell, without saying such an awful word in front of a child.)…..Vickie, I have no idea what you are asking………..Who is Betsy?”

 I wanted to know why Grandma always said, “Heavens to Betsy.”  What the hell did that mean? There were a lot of alternate curse  words that I just didn’t understand when I was little. I always enjoyed words. That is probably one of the reasons I was an English minor in college. Words fascinate me. And curse words and the “other” words that were used that you know damn well were meant to be curse words. And here is a list that I collected around the internet.

crud                             

F-ing                            

Geez                       

Holy Cow!                                

piddle              

shucks                   

Sheesh   

Gee whiz                     

 land sakes!                

 blimey                  

 jeepers                                      

gadzooks         

pshaw                     

hotdiggity         

my word                    

 egads                           

 Golly                     

diddly squat                             

crap                  

 red cent                

bull

blasted                        

bloody                       

dagnabbit           

fiddlesticks                              

frick                   

friggin                   

flippin

shoot                          

sugar                             

fudge                    

gosh darn                                

drat                        

Poo                    

Mamma  Mia

heck                           

son of a gun                

jeepers                 

Aye chihuahua                       

dang it                 

Shucks               

bloomin

gee willikers  

Oh, my stars! (Thanks, Wendy)        

for the love of Pete                                   

Jiminy Cricket                         

effin                    

F-U

____________________

 My dad’s best friend cussed like a sailor. But, when he was stuck in our family room and we were still awake, he tried to behave himself. I remember he used, “that son of a gun,” “shoot”, and “piddly” a lot. I am sure it got more colorful when we went to bed. So, I thought I would find out. I sneaked out of my bed and sat in the darkened hall so I could listen to them talk. Oh my! I crawled back in bed and cried.  My dad had a very foul mouth. I thought that he really needed his mouth washed out with soap. Like with the Lava soap he had downstairs.

  I think people make up their own phrases. My childhood friend, Lori, used to say, “Sugar” all the time. “Oh, sugar, look, I closed the door on my finger.”  She was the type that probably never cussed in her life. She is probably still saying, “Sugar!”  When I grew up, I really didn’t cuss much. I probably would make myself cry.  I never cussed around my children when they were little, either. But, I made up my own curse words. For some reason, I always said, “Geez Oy, Marie.”  Why? Hell, I don’t know. It’s what came out of my mouth. I did start to use the word, “freakin” as they got older, probably because I wanted out of the “freakin” house. It really was hard being a stay-at-home mom, dammit.

The funniest story I heard about a child cussing is a story that happened to a kindergarten teacher that my children had. A friend’s son, Joseph, told a child to “Pass me a God-damn crayon” and then looked at the teacher and added, “And turn off the f *%#@*!  light.” Well, it was nap time, after all. It’s funny how people will blame other members of the family for their cursing. “I don’t know where he learned how to talk like that. We don’t use those words in our house.”  Sure.

  I don’t know why, but it amuses me to hear elderly people cuss.  Like Betty White. She has quite the foul mouth. My mother-in-law cusses and it just cracks me up. She uses the “F-bomb” a lot. It makes my daughter cackle. Well, she is 23 now, so I am sure she has heard curse words by now. But, not coming out of her grandma’s mouth. She is funny when she gets on a roll. When my dad passed away and I was elected to go to the nursing home to tell my grandmother that her son had died, she slapped me and told me to get the hell out of the God damn room. Ok, Grandma. See you later. Ok, maybe the cursing wasn’t so funny that particular day. My dad probably was laughing from above, though.

  My fourth graders often come up to me to let me know that a student used “a dirty word.”  They are shocked and I know where they are coming from, remembering the first time my dad cursed in front of me. They are so cute. “Ms. Mendenhall, he said the “s” word.” 

 In the end, the internet has changed the way people cuss/curse.  We use symbols to fill in the letters of our cursing. TV shows  are using the word “Bleep” when we damn well know they mean, “S*it.”  I still don’t know how they got away with that one.

 The biggest curse symbol or abbreviation that is a modern wonder is “WTF.”  We always had S.O.B., but the internet is changing the way we talk. I’m surprised more people don’t vocally say, “lol” instead of laughing. Well, they do write ROFLMAO (Rolling on Floor, Laughing My Ass Off)

And that is just the way the blasted ball bounces.