Chuck, Chuck, Bo-Buck....

      I know that some of you were just knee high to a grasshopper when the song, The Name Game, came out. Some of  you weren’t born yet. I won’t hold that against you. But, people, you really missed out on peddle pushers, pogo sticks, and candy cigarettes. That has nothing to do with this blog, but ya know, I am feeling the era this evening. Anywho,  The Name Game was a song written by Shirley Ellis in 1964, and one that we sang all of the time. That’s such a lie. We sang it just a couple of times.

        I will use my name as a demonstration     Vickie-Vickie-bo-bickie ,  Banana-fana-fo-fickie,  Me Mi Mo-Mickie…  Vickie!

I realize that the lyrics just tug at your heart.  But, it was fun putting everyone’s name in the mix. Mine was fun. My best friend, Ramaine’s name just didn’t  jive. I felt bad for her.

                 Ramaine-Ramaine bo bamaine, banana- fana-fo -famaine, Me Mi Mo-Mamaine…Ramaine..    I wonder if  that’s why she sort of changed her name to Sam in college. I’m thinking it is. Probably crushed her.

     We couldn’t wait until someone wanted to use Chuckie…or Bart…or Maggie…. or Mitch.  Go ahead, you know you want to try it.

    The Name Game  is what we all have to go through. Not the song, but picking out names for our babies. Some people like to wait to see if the name fits the face. I’m sorry, but I think babies are ugly when they are born. I have had two babies, and I will be the first to admit that they were unattractive for a few weeks. But, I knew they would come around, because their momma was so pretty. The only ones that are cute are the ones born from a C-section. Everyone else has weird heads for awhile.  If I named my kids after they were born, they probably would have gone home with names like Ralph and Ethel. I mean, not that there is anything wrong with those names. And don’t say your kids were the exception. You’re living in denial. All babies are ugly.

  It’s hard to pick a name because there is always someone who had the name when you were growing up and you just couldn’t name your kid that very same name. We named our son Adam. My husband wanted a name that couldn’t be turned into a nickname, so Adam it was. Of course, I am not sure, but there was either an Adam or a Willie who ate his scabs in my fourth grade class. I’m pretty sure it was Willie.  Thank God my  Adam didn’t eat scabs. He was a booger flicker.

My daughter wasn’t named until she was a day old. I sort of liked the name Adrienne. But, my husband kept saying, “Yo, Adrienne”, in his bad Sylvester Stallone impersonation. Jenna Rachelle was another one that was a contender. In the end, we  named her Alexandra. Of course, when she was in third grade she had enough of  writing her long name, and decided she was going to be Alex.  People then asked me if I named her Alex from the  Glenn Close character on “Fatal Attraction.”  Say what? Yeah, sure. I named her after a murderous nutcase. She murdered a rabbit, remember? And put it in a boling pot of water. Sure, I will name my child after her.  I wish her kid’s name was Teddy so I could ask her if she named him after Ted Bundy. Stupid people…

  Even though Alexandra was now Alex, her teachers still called her Alexandra. Or Alexandria. Which pissed me off. I don’t call you Donnia do I, Donna? Ok, that was just a bad example. One day Alex got fed up with her scatter-brained Social Studies teacher for calling her Alexander all year. She couldn’t take it anymore. The next time she called her Alexander, Alex yelled out, “My name is NOT Alexander.”  The teacher looked at a  pissed Alex and apologized. “Oh, I am so sorry, Stephanie.”  Are you serious?  I know that this teacher sat up at her desk and ate all day and when she talked kept blinking her eyes.  Why the hell are you blinking, Blinky?  It’s a wonder Alex knows where North Dakota is.

 One thing soon-to-be-parents need to watch out for are initials. You don’t want their future monogrammed towels to read PIG or WTF.

William Tanner Ford? WTF is wrong with you parents!!

     In the end, parents need to pick a name that  a child won’t be ashamed to use.  And parents should  know how to spell. I know a small child named Hunner.  Hunner is actually spelled Hunter, stupid parents. And it is too close to Hummer. That kid is screwed.

Just use a name that will pass the Name Game song, and you will be ok.

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