I am in such a rut. Or maybe just a creature of habit. Or maybe just a creature. Whatever. But, I wonder if I am punishing myself for something. Why in the world would I include a trip to Wal-mart as part of my Saturday stupid ritual?
I HATE going to Wal-mart. I also hate putting my words in caps, because we make fun of a friend on Facebook who does that every other word, but IT is TRUE. I do the same bloody (I am now British) thing every Saturday morning. I get up, get on the computer, take a shower, talk to the cat (this varies), go to the bank, get a sausage biscuit from Hardees (I know…), stop and get gas from the Sunoco station, and then head to Walmart. Where, I may add, see the same frickin people every Saturday. We are Wallymart Rutters.
I must tell you and anyone who wants to stalk me or break into my apartment, that I have to be at Hardees by 10:30, because they quit serving breakfast by then. And that would throw my world upside down if I missed this step. I also have to be at the Sunoco station, because Billy will pump my gas for me. (See my fears blog…fear of gasoline). He leaves at noon on Saturdays. And the bank closes at noon also, but I finally am ok with the fact that the ATM will not swallow my card, duplicate it, and pass it out to all the customers after me. So, I can now go to an ATM. Yes, add paranoia to my ever-expanding word wall.
Ok, so now that you know I am what you thought I was, (???), let’s move on.
So, I go to Walmart and of course there are band people and Veterans groups hanging out by the front door wanting your loose change. I don’t know why they bother giving out little pieces of card stock paper with white strings on them in exchange for your money. It isn’t a prize. It’s a waste of paper. You killed trees, Little Missy Foo Foo baton twirler. Just say thank you for the dollar I just stuck in that tiny slot you have in a coffee can lid, and quit handing me shit.
Ok, I haven’t had my caffeine this morning, and so I have little patience. I think it is going to Walmart in general that makes me impatient. First of all, they don’t have what you need. Who ever the inventory person is for my particular store is half a bubble off. (I don’t know what that means..my dad used to say it…I think it means retarded.) I mean, why the hell wouldn’t you have index cards?
They paint white lines in front of the store and have the word YIELD all over the place so that you know that pedestrians have the right of way. But, that doesn’t stop people. Especially people who drive cars with a different colored door. You get my drift. They don’t care if they hit you. They need to buy their snuff for the week day, so they gotta get in there. Because everyone else in this town buys Skoals long cut wintergreen, so they have to get there quickly. Probably because the inventory guy whose belt doesn’t go through all the loops only ordered 10 cans.
I wonder how much greeter’s make in Walmart, because the one’s at my store look depressed. I don’t think people should be paid to say hello and good morning. You should say it out of the goodness in your heart. I think they are depressed, though, because they have to stand up. Why can’t they sit down? If the purpose of greeters is to show a cozy, friendly atmosphere, give them a reclining chair. They can read their National Enquirer and say “Good morning” better than standing there, looking like they want to hang themselves. No one ever asks me for suggestions.
I get so mad because I walk over in the one section of the Walmart Super Store to buy Germ-X, and it isn’t there. It is over on the other side with the bars of soaps. But, yet, Tide and Dawn are considered soaps, and they aren’t in that aisle,so…. WHY THE HELL are they separated? So, I have to walk all the over to the other side again.
Don’t even get me started on the pharmacy. I called for my refills a couple days before they run out and when I get out there, they have no blood pressure pills in stock. Why didn’t anyone call me? So, I tell them I only have one left and I shall surely die tomorrow morning, so they give me 2….Yes, 2…until more come in and I have to drive out there for the other 28. They did this to me twice in the past 3 months. I thought pharmacies had drugs in stock. How silly to think differently. This is probably why I am on high blood pressure medicine anywho.
I don’t know. I changed my rut schedule for a while this summer since my daughter has been staying with me, and I went to Walmart whenever. Didn’t seem to bother me that I wasn’t going on Saturday mornings. And I was happy. A happy Walmart avoider.
I need a personal Walmart shopper, that’s what I need. Someone who drives a car with a different colored door.
1 can of Skoal long cut green, please
