I have been reminded in the past day or two that there are just some people who you need to walk away from. Crazy people don’t know they are crazy. It is truly best to head for the hills. I didn’t learn that lesson about 10 months ago and was harrassed and bullied by a lunatic on a stick. But before I decide if I even want to swim in that shark infested cess pool and discuss the whole debacle , it made me think of other people I am afraid of….
I will be the first to admit that Judge Judy scares the hell out of me. I think it is because I always have an answer for everything. I can just imagine my visiting her courtroom. She would first Shhhhhhush me. And then wag her finger at me, and then yell, “Did I say you could talk?” Anyone else would get an
She puts a knot in my stomach
”Excuse me?” look from me and lazers shooting at them through my red eyes, but for some reason, she really frightens me. ”On your BEST day, you’re not as smart as I am on my worst day.” She had great one-liners..scary, but great. I can’t even imagine her as a mother-in-law. “Hey, little Missy Foo-Foo, did I say you could marry my son?…. Did I?” I wonder if she really is that mean? Sometimes she has her mind made up before anyone gets to speak. You can just tell. I usually only run across her when I am channel surfing. If I am in a defeatist attitude, I will watch her. I also may have some M&M’s to really relish in the moment. But, I only have watched her about 3 times a year. And really, that is 3 times too many.
The Oompa Loompa’s in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory generally creep me out. So does Johnny Depp as Willie Wonka. It may be the music. So dark. I wonder if Tim Burton was a happy child? If he has a little sister, I bet she is in therapy. Anywho, the oompa loompa’s were everywhere, and they all looked the same. It was obvious in the first Willy Wonka movie that they were just midgets. (sheesh, little people) Little people aren’t scary. Well, maybe one carrying a six pack of beer in one hand and a gun in another. Then I would be scared. But, that movie didn’t scare me. The one-piece red suited creepy guy in the Johnny Depp Charlie and The Chocolate Factory did. He had this look about him. Like he could make you disappear if you crossed him. The little weasel. I watch that movie often, because I love Tim Burton’s putting the grandparents in the same bed throughout the movie. Great movie…for adults.
Another scary person is a guy who walks on the Rails to Trails by my apartment. He doesn’t wear a shirt and has ear plugs in his ears all the time. Most days when I get home from work, he is just standing by my apartment on the trail. When he sees my car, he starts walking on the trail until I get in the house, and then he comes back to the very spot and just stands there. I think he is in his mid-20′s and he apparently has some issues, because when I watch him out my kitchen window (yeah, I have no life) he is mad at someone, walking back and forth, flailing his arms and having a conversation with someone he is planning to yell at later or maybe maim. Well, that’s what Gladys Kravitz here thinks. Thats’ why I am prepared when I am on the trail. I carry pepper spray and a small swiss army knife, so I can get him with the fingernail file part of the knife. “Excuse me while I find the best weapon…oh, how about this bottle opener?” I can’t wait until it gets cooler and maybe he will stay home. Omg, he is out there right now….
No one was as scary as the secretary at the board of education office at a nearby county. Real nearby. Like maybe the same one. She scared the hell out of all of us. She was sooo mean to everyone. I was told that she could make your phone number disappear off of the substitute list if you questioned her or spoke back to her. I don’t know if that is true, but I quit getting calls for awhile after a visit with her, and they had a number transposed by “mistake.” I am sure it was a mistake. One experience I had with “Dawn” was a Lucy Ricardo episode.
I was just approved to teach in a one-year position about 5 years ago and I had to get my picture taken for my name tag that all teachers are supposed to wear. So, I called “Dawn” to see if pictures were taken every day and if I could drive down that afternoon. “Well, I am leaving this afternoon. You would have to get down here within the next 30 minutes.” I told her that I would be there in 15. Well, traffic was horrible that day. Figures. She was going to kill me. I could feel my face get flushed as I walked in the door. It was such a long hall to walk down. I hated going into that room on the left. My palms were getting sweaty. I walked sheepishly throught the door and she looked at me like I made her late for her daughter’s wedding. ” Well, that sure was a quick 15 minutes,” she said sarcastically.
I shouldn’t have said anything. Traffic was bad, damnit. I will tell her traffic was bad. She didn’t let me. “I’m sure you will say that traffic was bad.” She got up and walked into the picture-taking room and plopped down at some photographic thingamajig. Hell, I was going to say that traffic was bad. But, that is not what came out of my mouth. “Traffic wasn’t bad. When I was pulling out of my driveway, I saw an albino squirrel in my yard. I’ve never seen one before. Have you ever seen one?” Oh my God, that didn’t just come out of my mouth? She just blankly stared at me. For a really long time. She had really thick glasses, and I thought they were fogging up. I don’t know where the hell the albino squirrel explanation came from, but she bought it. Maybe because it was such a weird excuse, it just had to be true. Or maybe she had an albino squirrel as a pet. Who the hell knows..But, she went back to typing on the thingamajig.
“Well?” she asked me after a minute…Well, what, mean wicked witch of the board office?? “Wellllll?” I asked her, because I didn’t know what the hell she was asking me. I was still trying to figure out how albino squirrel came out of my mouth. ”Well, I am waiting for you so I can take your picture.?” And then she sighed like “I have been dealing with idiots all day” kind of sigh. Well, as I walked to the line on the floor where you stand to get your picture taken, which I did not know, I decided I have had enough of this woman, so I shot her a really mean, “Vickie death stare look, nostrils flaring”, as I walked to my spot. As soon as I got behind her, I stayed with the look. I could not wait to get away from this bitch…… Click!!……..
What the hell just happened? Oh my God, don’t tell me she took my picture without giving me a chance? I mean, at least count to three or say, “Ok, I am going to take the picture now.” No, Broomhilda snapped my picture while I was giving her my nostril flared death stare behind her back. ARE YOU SHITTIN ME? Oh Dear God, I am sooo dead. All I could muster out of my mouth was, “Um, you didn’t give me time, you will probably need to take another picture.” As soon as I said that, the assistant superintendent came out of his office and walked over to talk. Oh, yeah, this is good. The picture popped out when it was ready, and HE grabbed it, smiling before he even looked at it, like he KNEW…”She snapped it before I had a chance….I look like I am going to hurt children, not help them.” He burst out laughing. Yeah, real funny. I might as well have been flipping her the bird. I had the most evil look on my face. They both knew exactly what I was doing…..I couldn’t get out of there fast enough…I took the first beautiful picture with me as a momento.
Well, I have decided that I don’t want any baby llama drama right now. As much as I enjoy a sharp-tongued retort, I will refrain…I learned when I was little that, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me..” How retarded. How about….
You can’t disguise stupidity, stupid.
I think I have a book title
