Snakes, Gasoline and a Nun (Part 3)

(Part 3)

Oh, Dear God, it’s a nun! Run!

Fear is defined as an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is also related to the specific behavior of escape and avoidance. People are afraid of many things. My daughter just informed me that she has a fear of living in the suburbs, driving a mini-van. Ok, sweetie, go away. Not what I was looking for.. But, anywho, some people have intense fear of many different things. Clowns, for example…. Heights…Water…. Speaking in public….Spiders….Or in my case, three things…snakes, gasoline and a nun. (Although Judge Judy scares the hell out of me, too.)

Already blogged about snakes and gasoline. Part 3..a nun

3. a nun

Years ago,  in West Virginia, children had to be six years old by November 1 in order to attend school. That was the rule.  My birthday was November 9. I was 9 days late from attending school. Well, my mom decided that I was ready for school, damnit, and nothing was going to stop her from pushing me out into the big, bad world.

Except for the fact that you had to take a test. If you passed the test, you could start school early.  I remember my mom telling me that I had to pass the test or I wouldn’t be able to be in the same class as Ramaine or LeeAnn….or Lori…or Janice….or Tammy….or Kacey…and every other girl in the neighborhood that was around my age. Lee Ann was younger than me. Her birthday was December 4. Our mothers decided that we would take the test together.

Well, I was quite stupid and flunked the test. LeeAnn passed because she was brilliant. It was a quiet ride home. She made me eat everything on my plate that night. Luckily, my dog liked what we were having that night. I heard my mom tell my dad that I couldn’t sit still long enough and was squirming all over the place. First of all, I didn’t squirm unless my underwear was fitting weird. Ok, maybe I was a little hyper, but I do remember my mom telling my dad I was like a little Mexican jumping bean. What the hell was that?

I could hear my dad say,”Well, she is just not ready, Georgie.” And my mom muttering something  (It was sometimes hard to hear when you are spying) and then she said, ” Oh, you don’t understand. She WILL attend school this year.”    Uh Oh

The very next day, my mom got up and went somewhere very early and came home and informed me that I would be attending the Immaculate Heart of Mary Academy or Sacred Heart of Mary Academy or Sacred Heart of Mary Immaculate Conception Academy. Hell, I can’t remember what it was called, but I remember crying.

The Sacred Heart of Mary and Jesus Conception Academy (or whatever) was a Catholic private school and we had to wear a uniform. Well, this just sucks. My mom went on to inform me that she would drive me downtown each morning and a van would pick me up to take me to school in Wintersville, Ohio. That was about a 1/2 hour drive to the Heart of Mary Sacred Conception Academy.

I was a nervous wreck on the first day of school. I was waiting by our car when a van pulled up and a nun jumped out and came around to introduce herself. Her name was Sister Maria, she said, and she was the bus driver and a teacher at the Blessed Baby Jesus and Mary Conception Academy. I reluctantly got into the van and we were on our way. We made stops and picked up about 6 other kids, all different ages and then made our way to the little school.

I remember very little about the Mary Mary Sacred Mary Academy. I hated that place. Sister Maria was not the Flying Nun. I wouldn’t have said that back then, because the show didn’t premier until 1967. But, you know, whatever. All I know is that Sister Maria was evil in black and white. She lived at the school in a convent. She had a huge dog named Luger. I found out later that Luger was an English mastiff. She kept Luger tied up and he barked all freaking day. There was a large dirt spot and we dared not go into the dirt area, or we surely die.  I can’t watch the Sandlot without thinking of that stupid dog. Luger got loose a couple of times, and we ran like the school children ran down the road in the movie, The Birds.

I should mention that the Sacred Mother Mary of God Catholic Academy had only four teachers and they took turns driving the bus, cooking, cleaning and whatever. I don’t think that the school had more than 25 students. Sister Maria was always the bus driver because she liked to torment the kids before, during , and after school. We were even in a bus wreck on the way to school one morning. Sister Maria ran a stop light. And I tore a hole in my leotard and got yelled at for not wearing proper clothing.. Stupid nun.I fell one time playing on the playground, which was a gravel area, and she scrubbed the gravel out of my knee. I screamed and screamed and told her my mom would clean it out when I got home, but Sister Maria wouldn’t hear of it. I think she enjoyed hearing little children screaming.

The one cool thing about attending Jesus Loves the Little Children Academy was Spanish class. How cool was that. I learned spanish when I was in 1-3rd grades. But, shit, Sister Maria was the teacher. I wrote in the back of my spanish book, “El Teacher es un animal” and had that book for years. She was an animal. She yelled at me for not eating my lunch when it was her turn to cook. It was like she was an oompah loompah. She was everywhere. She was the teacher, the bus driver, the cook, the dog feeder, the gravel scrubber..she was terror in comfortable shoes.

I finally begged my mom to let me transfer to a public school when I was in fourth grade. I don’t know why she didn’t let me go when I was in second grade. The object was to get me to start school early and then transfer. My mom later told me that the nuns were strict and I was able to sit still and get some work done. Uh, yeah. If you moved, you got a ruler across your knuckles.

I still cringe when I see a nun. I rarely see one in the full flying nun habit anymore. But, when I do, I run.